So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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