Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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