Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You need Xanax blowdarts
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Randomize
