if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
