Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am available for nakedness
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