jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
