Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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