It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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