It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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