Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His nipple licking is glorious
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