My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
