i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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