i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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