So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
