If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
