Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
