I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
