Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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