I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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