Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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