There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
