When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
