you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
