Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize