u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
