I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
