im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
