but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
