i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
