I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
