I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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