you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
