Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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