There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
