I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I deserve this hangover.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
