it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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