Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
