So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
