I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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