I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
