they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
