apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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