You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
