Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im part way to drunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
