SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
