Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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