I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
