Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize