I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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