i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
