I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
