The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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