Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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