he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I met the friendliest cop last night
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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