i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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