Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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