College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
