You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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