her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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