Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
