Why does Corona taste like a burp?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
