We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
