So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
