I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My hand turned me down
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
